Or maybe it’s anxtiety. I’m not sure. Either way, I feel it rising. I’m waiting on some big news but by 5pm today I knew I would now have to wait until Monday. Ughhh!
Then again, maybe it’s good to wait. It’s probably bad (or not the wonderful news I want to hear at least). Add to that Christmas stress because I have to buy all the gifts and give a damn about any of it. I have no Christmas decorations up. This is my daughter’s second Christmas, (or the first one she could appreciate). And instead of having pretty christmas lights and a tree (or anything that could resemble a tree), I have nothing. Okay, I still have a few jack o’lantern candles out from Halloween. What? Halloween? What is wrong with me?
It would take a total of 50 seconds to take the candles, bring them to the basement and put them in the box they belong. And everytime I go in the bathroom I see them sitting there. A blatant reminder of the fact I’m lazy and can’t complete even the simplest of tasks.
I’m getting my wisdom teeth out next Thursday. Two days before Christmas Eve. There is a good reason, I assure you. It was the only good day I could get. And as that day approaches, my anxiety is going up just thinking about it. I’m worried that just by the mere fact I’m going to need others’ help, it will make me feel even worse about myself. That I won’t be able to put my daughter to sleep (because I’m worried she’ll headbutt me in the jaw..ouch! that others will need to take care of me and as much as I perhaps want to be taken care of (as I’ve recently discovered….I think)…I don’t want to burden others.
I think the only bright side is that I won’t be able to stuff my face with stuff. Not that it has been a major issue lately, infact in some cases I feel like I’m waiting too long to eat now. But I think it’s more because food isn’t readily available and I’m distracted by other things.
I’m feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. But at least I’m feeling and not eating. (or if I do, at least I’m more aware of it).
Don’t ask me why I used so many brackets in today’s post.
Okay..I’m going to do it. Wait here for 50 seconds….
Okay, it was a bit more than 50 seconds (I know, you wouldn’t have known the difference if it was 50 seconds or 5 hours…again with the brackets! What is with me?) only because I got a phone call as I was on my way to the bathroom. But instead of turning around to sit my ass on the couch again, I kept going and grabbed those six candles (and another decorative pumpkin I missed…last brackets I promise!) and put them in the box in the basement!
Yay for me! I accomplished something today. Small wins…one thing at a time…