It’s been a painful week. I had two wisdom teeth removed, so I really had to judge every bite of food going into my mouth. I still do because one side is really sore. I guess this is good practice for Intuitive Eating though.
The week before, it was the stomach flu. So it’s been two weeks of just enough food. I actually feel like I fell off the wagon because it wasn’t as much of a chore to have to think about food. Or maybe it was because I stopped writing.
Well I’m back. And I’m still worried about my weight. Yes, I got on the stupid scale again to find I’ve gone UP another two pounds since I last checked about a month ago. It just doesn’t make sense to me that I’m gaining. My weight gain has never made sense to me. And still I think ‘I must be doing something wrong!’
But since I started therapy, I swear I feel like I’m doing better MOST of the time. I know I’m eating less than I was a year ago, but the numbers are just not matching up with it.
It’s frustrating and makes me doubt this whole process. But I’m desperately hanging on to the hope that it will sort itself out. This is the first ‘thing’ that hasn’t made me feel like a complete failure. Maybe because im the only person who can really measure my own sucesses. I know I don’t have it all mastered yet, but it’s made me feel empowered. And that’s more than I can say for any diet or eating program I’ve tried.
So, for 2012, my commitment is to NOT diet.